i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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