I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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