I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
