Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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