i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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