The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
