you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
