When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
