Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
