Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
