I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
