Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
