And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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