The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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