First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
