I wanna bring you to show and tell
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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