There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
