just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
