This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
