I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
