Dude my mom stole all your condoms
What a fucking waste of an outfit
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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