shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
