And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
