I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
