and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
