Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
