yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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