I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
