Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
