sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
