You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
