Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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