I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
