I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
