There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
