Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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