Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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