Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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