Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
