is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
