I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What a dumb baby whore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
