i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
