i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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