You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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