im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
