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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
