Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
