do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
