Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
