peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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