The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
